THE JOURNEY - FOREWORD

Friday, March 3, 2017

THE JOURNEY: THE FOREWORD

This excerpt is from a new book I have begun, entitled "THE JOURNEY" which chronicles a journey by a couple through the morass of substance abuse and addiction.

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On the surface, people can convince themselves of almost anything. Yes, they can convince themselves that hurting other people does not matter. Greed is good. Do anything they want and it too doesn't matter. Cold, mean, heartless. (Are you listening, Donald Trump?)

BUT you say, that isn't possible. NOBODY can convince themselves of such things, but when you stop and think about it.at least on the subconcious level we have PLENTY of precedent for that. Adolph Hitler could never have instigated A WORLD WAR without firmly believing in his mind and heart that HE WAS RIGHT. Joseph Stalin the same and Uganda's former dictator Idi Amin as well. Now at the risk of beating a dead horse to even further death, yes we have Donald J Trump, Miscreant in Chief.

RIGHT NOW, Syrian President BASHIR AL-ASSAD believes to his toes that HE IS RIGHT...ON THE SURFACE. But I am NOT convinced (and pretty sure to the contrary) that DOWN DEEP, that attitude carries as much weight as it does superficially.

It is harder to fool YOURSELF, way down in your core, than it is to fool yourself on the surface and then others. That is why EVEN IN THE FACE OF OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY, people will say they truly believe such and such when it is hard to believe that ANY rational human being could. In truth, they more than likely don't believe it either down (and often self-programmed) inside, but it is what they have been influenced to believe and say they believe and so they do. The current spate of faux Republicans are a prime example. So are the Islamist Jihadists, at least the ones in leadership roles. The bulk of them are opportunists and far less ideological and far more self-serving. than their empty-headed idiotic rhetoric would indicate.

SO, why DO people convince themselves that meanness and anti-social behavior (for example) works when they would do FAR BETTER in relationships if they exhibited kindness and benevolence. WHY? Well for one thing, self-defense.
Yes, some people have been hurt or at least they haveexperienced perceived hurt and so they build a wall of self-defense. Often at the core is a foundational tool of that defense mechanism known as self-protective-meanness. They feel protected and invulnerable if they can keep most people (if not all) at a safe distance. The ONLY people they let in most of the time are those THEY KNOW they can control and/or those who think and feel as they do. Like-minded if you will.

Unfortunately, in doing this, they not only keep out the people who WOULD hurt them but ALSO the ones who would NOT and would only love them and be good to them. This wall of defense unfortunately is NOT good at discerning which is which so the one size fits all mentality serves as a blanket filter screening out good and bad alike.

Adorning yourself with a cloak of cold detachment and/or meanness is a very poor substitute for being able to experience a happy loving caring relationship with someone. It won't keep you warm at night and it won't love you and keep you safe when in danger, and IT SURE AS HELL won't help you when you get old and frail. ONLY another person who is loving and kind and caring will IF YOU ALLOW THEM TO CROSS THE BRIDGE OVER THE MOAT AND INSIDE THE CASTLE of your heart and soul.

Fair weather friends, obsessive over-eating, sex, drugs & alcohol or gambling or any of the other bastions of internal hole-filling failure, will NEVER be good for you for the long haul. Not by a long shot, and it is NOT that loving and caring people and relationships are without their problems. LIFE isn't, and so nothing IN LIFE is either. BUT, over the long haul and in the overall scheme of things, they work FAR BETTER than any of those other material things or people you may be trying to fill the container of emptyness you feel inside with. Food, Drugs and booze and gambling will NEVER substitute for love, and ULTIMATELY will end badly. Neither will a compulsive sex life. Substance abuse and obsessive-compulsive disorder are a destroyer of lives and can and frequently do end lives that have been devastated because of one or more of these. .

SHOCK!

Sometimes relationships don't fare as one might have hoped, and certainly don't end well even if that is the most sensible thing to do. But at least it is possible to emerge with some really good memories, and one can rarely say that with narcotics and substance abuse of any kind. Drugs and alcohol prematurely age you and rob you of good health and vigor. They MAY give you a FEELING that you are OH SO KEWL, when in truth you are NOT and that is a LIE. Addictions are the past master of lying to their victims.They also make the victims really good at lying to cover themselves and the extent of their victimization but all too often this becomes pathological. Lying gets easier over time just as addiction does. Lying to oneself as well as lying to others. That serves NOBODY well and neither does cancer. In both cases, it eats away at you from the inside out until there is nothing of value left.

There is FAR TOO MUCH addiction in the LGBTcommunity but to be fair they HARDLY have a lock on that. The Heterosexual community leads the way in death from addiction and substance abuse...and even worse? The children of addicts who suffer the most perhaps from the actions of their parents and adult family members become the collateral damage of this evil warfare being waged against the people they love.

Just because someone is trying to hide from their own insecurities, fears, and anxieties does NOT make it RIGHT or more palatable when they become seemingly hopelessly addicted. Whether gay or straight, male or female (addiction has no bounds of decency when it comes to victims) adults or youth, old or young or whatever...trying to fill the hole of loneliness, depression, vulnerability or fear (for that is what is going on here), doesn't matter. ADDICTIONS KILL.

YES, ADDICTIONS KILL, MAIM, DESTROY...WITHOUT EXCEPTION. They may make you think you are special but in truth you are just like every other person when it comes to being vulnerable to the forces of darkness.

ANYTHING YOU DO NOT CONTROL...controls you and does NOT have your best interests at heart. You can for a time fill that yawning hole inside yourself with all kinds of crap, but in the end? THE ONLY THING WORTH DOING THAT WITH .IS WITH ANOTHER PERSON WHO LOVES YOU AND LOVES YOU ENOUGH TO STICK WITH YOU EVEN IN THE WORST OF TIMES. SOMEONE who KNOWS the value of your tears, your breaking heart, and your value as a human being.

Getting someone to realize they are not alone, and that there is someone who is with them until the end of forever is not easy. It takes time, patience, and most importantly LOVE. As I said it is NOT easy.

If you are the loving partner you will more than likely at times be seen as an adversary, will suffer the slings and arrows of substance abuse fighting for its survival and ONLY YOU can convince yourself in times like these that the goal you seek is within your reach and WORTH IT,.. and ONLY YOU can know that FOR YOU...until it becomes part of you deep inside. It is your love that will sustain you when the going gets rough, and it will.

TO BE CONTINUED_______

"THE JOURNEY" by Dylan S. Le Maire.
Copyright © 2016
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED